Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year Resolution

This is my second post of the day...I just feel so hopeless right now...I want to keep hoping for a better tomorrow. That was how I was. Where did the real chhandita disappear? I want her back, I need her back. This TTC journey is taking away so much from my soul. AF is due tomorrow and I am mourning already. Another cycle gone without the happiness I see in so many faces. The joy of knowing that another life is taking shape inside your body. The joy of knowing that the love you share with your DH has finally taken a new dimension.

I want this pain to go away. Please tell me I can't have a baby so I can stop dreaming of one and move on with my life. Dr Brian Weiss says that we choose the life to learn what we need to learn and move on spiritually. What am I learning here? Maybe, the question to ask is, What do I need to learn..

1. Learn to be happy for others
2. Patience
3. Learn to have hope
... Am trying to hold onto my sanity here. So here is my new year resolution. I will get the real Chhandita back. I again will be the Sunshine girl (the nickname my friends gave me). I will again look at the new sun and feel hope. I will learn to dream again. I will laugh till I have tears in my eye. I will make others smile. 2009. Baby or no baby, I will reclaim my soul. I will not ALLOW IF to destroy me.

Yes, I will be Me again! best of luck to me.

9 comments:

Su :) said... Best Blogger Tips

you still are you, my love... minor setbacks wont and cant change you.. you are a fighter.. not a quitter...
god bless.. may 2009 bring you lotsa joy, millions of smiles and loads n loadsa 'chhanditaness' like you wish for

noswimmers said... Best Blogger Tips

What a beautiful resolution. I hope you get everything you want in 2009. You are a beautiful soul, and deserve it so much.

HUGS

nh said... Best Blogger Tips

Well said - and I understand what you are saying. Good luck in re-finding yourself! May you have lots to laugh over and dream about this coming year.

B said... Best Blogger Tips
This comment has been removed by the author.
B said... Best Blogger Tips

Sorry about the delete - blogger just put an old comment there in its place.

Keep up that triumphant spirit.

B

Nikki said... Best Blogger Tips

You are a strong woman Chhandita - I am absolutely sure you will not allow IF to destroy you. Life happens, life changes us. The idea is to gain from our experiences and emerge stronger!

Good luck to you - and Happy New Year!

Devanshi ~ Danelle said... Best Blogger Tips

The old "Chhandita" is still there, you are just dealing with some things right now. Try to remember that all of this around you is not "reality"; it is the karmic software being flung at you and how you choose to deal with it determines how things proceed. Chhandy you deserve the best....just ask the universe and you shall receive. Hard to understand coming from me and my moments I know but I am right there with you! Love you girl!

Chhandita said... Best Blogger Tips

Thank you girls...You give me lotsa strength!!

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

Dost........in bhgwadgita krishan said..u r no one to create or destroy u r just my babies and u cant do any thing its all me who can do ...take it as god wish ,we are all almighty god child.whatever happen with us is just because he do to us..We all are here on earth to play our role and one day we have to go back to that god...So look life by that almighty god eyes as we can only fihgt with god but final decision is his only .life always mend to live for others and see ur happiness in there eyes ,lips .I know hard to feel the pain you gone through but yet i beleive,trust and faith that u will come up strongly and we all ur frds will hear ur same old smile..which i still remember ...Life never end !
cooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :-)