This is my second post of the day...I just feel so hopeless right now...I want to keep hoping for a better tomorrow. That was how I was. Where did the real chhandita disappear? I want her back, I need her back. This TTC journey is taking away so much from my soul. AF is due tomorrow and I am mourning already. Another cycle gone without the happiness I see in so many faces. The joy of knowing that another life is taking shape inside your body. The joy of knowing that the love you share with your DH has finally taken a new dimension.
I want this pain to go away. Please tell me I can't have a baby so I can stop dreaming of one and move on with my life. Dr Brian Weiss says that we choose the life to learn what we need to learn and move on spiritually. What am I learning here? Maybe, the question to ask is, What do I need to learn..
1. Learn to be happy for others
3. Learn to have hope
... Am trying to hold onto my sanity here. So here is my new year resolution. I will get the real Chhandita back. I again will be the Sunshine girl (the nickname my friends gave me). I will again look at the new sun and feel hope. I will learn to dream again. I will laugh till I have tears in my eye. I will make others smile. 2009. Baby or no baby, I will reclaim my soul. I will not ALLOW IF to destroy me.
Yes, I will be Me again! best of luck to me.