Thursday, April 29, 2010

Adoption Blues

Some of you may remember that DH and I had started adoption process last year January, but then I got pregnant and we decided to wait untill Danny was a little older. Danny is now 7 months and we have decided that its time to move fprward and bring our daughter home. Next month we will complete the paperwork. But things have changed…last year when we had told M’s granny that we were planning to adopt she was very supportive but now when we told her, she asked why not have another biologically,. Why not indeed… There are numerous reasons. First Just because I had Danny does not mean that concieving a second time will be any easier and I am NOT ready to go through all that rollercoaster of emotions again. Secondly, this is whatM and I had always wanted, even before we got married…to adopt a baby girl!!!

We were thinking of adopting a baby of 2-3 years of age, but now have decided to adopt a 6 month old. (here we can only adopt through orphanages and you cannot get a baby younger then 6 months). Why are we going for a younger baby? Now this may sound politically incorrect, but here goes. We were afraid that it would have been difficult to bond with an older child. We may be wrong, but that’s what we thought. It took us almost a month after Danny was born to really fall in love with him…so…adoption is not easy is it? We want to do whats best for the little girl.

Adoptive parents out there: How easy or tough was it to bond with your child? Is it more difficult if you already have a biological child? I donnot want to behave differently with my children…how do I prepare myself? Any advice will be appreciated…

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Thin baby

Ok so I know chubby babies are cute. My baby is bot chubby. He was born at a little over 5 lbs and is 15 lbs now. People keep passing snide comments about his weight and I hate. I went through it all my life. (I am a tiny person myself, the most i have ever weighed is 105 lbs). Any idea how to fatten my kid? Kidding. I love Danny the way he is. Active, meeting all his milestones, happy kid. When will people stop being so freaking mean?

Anyways, Deep breaths and i am letting it go :).

PPD update. Feeling a little better. Meditation helps.

Have joined a daycare centre, where am conducting SUMMER camp. Three hours a day and it gives me the much needed break from playing mommy.

I hate it, but i have decided to go back to work once Danny turns one.

To end it, here is a picture of my beautiful little man. Totally, madly in love with him.

Friday, April 16, 2010

post partum depression?

Danny is 7 months old today!!! For the last month or so, i have been feeling really really low. nothing like i have ever felt before. I have no patience..i shout at at everybody..husband, BIL, husbands granny....even my friends....I cry for no reason, cant sleep (Danny is sleeping through the night now)..but the worst is when I get so angry that I feel like hitting my son (i have never done that, but am so scared). I love him so damn a days am even afraid of being alone with him...I thought PPD hit mothers just after giving birth, but now i hear it can hit anytime within a year of giving birth. This is really hell...I hate this darkness.... its tough looking after a baby alone, with NO help, and now this....Am trying to chant but i think i will have to see a doctor soon... I just want to be a good mom, right now i hate the person i am.....This little sweetheart deserves a better mom...

Monday, April 5, 2010

To work or stay at home..

I quit my job last February when I conceived. I know I need to start working, and I want to!! but its not easy..where do I leave Danny? Leaving my baby in day care for 9-10 hours a day doesn't appeal to me. I am so confused...its heart breaking, this choice we women have to make. I have till September (When Danny turns 1) I will HAVE to start working by then. I sometimes want to go back to work NOW where I can have a conversation, and a little break from baby care but then I look at Danny and know what is more important. 5 more months with this beautiful child-I will be there 24/7...

PS: About Danny sitting. HE started sitting without support at a little over 5 months. But he still some way off from crawling...