Thursday, January 27, 2011

Wordless Wednesday (Kinda)

Leg braces - unused since September 26th 2010. Since Danny walked. No more sleepless nights helping Danny roll over with those heavy braces on. Danny is a champion. He has beaten the odds.

Danny's play Gym - A gift from Danelle, sent all the way from US of A. Danelle, the person Danny is named after. A dear friend I have never even met.


Someone has recognized my contribution to the blogosphere and given an award!!! I discovered
Athena from A Field of Dreams through ICLW. Go check out her blog. Its amazing! Thanks so much Athena! I hope to follow her journey and learn from her.

Here's how this award works:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Award 15 recently discovered great bloggers.
4. Make sure you contact these bloggers to let them know about the award.

7 things about me:

1. I love sci-fi. Am a complete nerd like that. Hope to do a PHD on sci-fi literature one day!
2. I met my husband though the net! met him twice before we got married!
3. I am an insomniac :(
4. I love to eat! I eat soo much its not funny! The best part? I never gain any weight... ;-)
5. There are two people I could kill for - Danny and my brother Joy.
6. My biggest dream is to create an animal shelter.
7. My name means poetic.

It was tough to find the 15 blogs to forward this award to. I mean I have recently discovered soo many new wonderful blogs! So I decided to go for top 10.

But here are the ones I enjoy the most:
1. Surly Mama
2. Mrs D
3. Mission: Fertile soul
4. Cooked Headsile
5.Stout Ranch
6. In Pursuit of Parenthood
7. Runny Yolk
8. One Wheeler's World
9. Party of Five
10. Infert Myrtle

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Indian Maharaja!

I realized that I never got around to posting Danny's birthday pic! So here it is :) (Four months late)

Did I ever mention how dysfunctional M's family is? There is a lot I cannot mention here coz its simply too personal. But here are two gems from their rudeness/silliness/whatever.

Incident 1. So we had a small family occasion at home recently (In M's family, small means 30 people!). The guest list included one of M's close aunt with a two year old toddler. Okay so they arrive and immediately this kiddo starts trying to pick up my 14 month old. I gently tell him not too. All this time the parents are just busy talking to others. Danny then brings out one of his toys and immediately this 2 year old grabs it and starts playing. Danny obviously wants his toy back. I did what I thought would be the best plan of action to quell any temper tantrums from either kids. I bring another toy and give it to Danny. Again the 2 year old grabs it. I then sat down with them and told them to play together. The mother just sat their and kept saying Danny is so naughty. The 2 year old finally took Danny's toy and sat alone playing with it. So I grabbed D, took out his favorite book..and well D got distracted and didn't create a scene..I planted a kiss on his forehead and said 'Good boy'..and this other lady? She gave me DAGGER looks..and another family member said that by telling D that he was a good boy I was actually saying the other is not! I mean is that wacko or something?
Then later, I was teaching D to count (he says one when I ask him to count..cute!!!) and this kids father tell another member (within my earshot) that first I need to learn to count (my husband's family speak a different language). I finally lost it, turned towards him...and counted till 10, in their language.

Incident 2. One of M's relative (his father's sister) told ME, on my face, that Danny looked like me, thus he wasn't cute. WOW!!!!!!!

Also my bloggy friend at A Field of Dreams gave me an award!

I need to rush now, so I will post more about the award in my next post.

So long peeps!!

PS: I simply loved this ICLW experience. I have discovered so many new beautiful blogs. Thanks Mel.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


We have all experienced loss, in one of its myriad forms. No matter what form it takes, we are filled with emptiness, and a pain that wrenches our gut. The two most devastating and life changing losses I have experienced were the death of my father and miscarriage. These two events changed me, left a scar which time cannot heal. But what I want to write about today is such a different feeling. I don't know if anyone out there would even understand what I am feeling, leave alone empathising with the sense of loss I am feeling now. But I need to write. I need to get it all out of my system because its eating me away from inside.

When I got married 5 years ago, I not only moved to a new city, but to a new culture, a new language, and a new family. M came with a package - his mom, his granny and his cousin brother whom we shall call A. A lost his father even before he was born (his mom was 3 months pregnant with A when her husband died) and well A had lived a life of a nomad since then. A few days here, a few days there. His mom, I was told wasn't a good mother. I will not comment on that since that involve other people. Anyways, when I got married, M decided that A should move in with us. He didn't ask me. I supported him. A was then 7 years old. My MIL wasn't really happy with that decision which finally led to a huge showdown with MIL moving in with her daughter, where she still resides. I was the bitch, because I had not supported MIL.

Things were definitely not easy but days passed. I ' learned' to be a mother, because I had to mother A. I never really had child free married life! We had to plan everything around A, his school days. I stayed awake when he was ill, I took him to the doctor. I supported him when everyone refused to understand him, I I cooked him his favourite dishes, and packed his lunch.. And A loved me back in return. He is now12. And things are getting more difficult, but he still listens to me. But things have changed. A's mother calls me names because well, of the way I parent (I make him do chores, the way I will make Danny do chores). I feel devastated each time I hear her say something bad about me. I didn't ask for any of it! It wasn't easy for me. I didn't do it for myself! But that is not what the loss is about.

A will leave, soon I guess. And that hurts. I am filled with envy. I know the feeling is senseless and selfish, more the reason that I cannot share it with anybody. He had moved back with his mom a couple of months ago, and I used stay awake at night. I used to go to his room, see his empty bed and cry. Does it make any sense? He is here with me now, don't know when he will move away. But I am felt with dread. I know am wrong to feel like this but I cannot help but feel like this. The pain IS gut wrenching and when A leaves there will be a hole in my heart and life...


Hi, I am completely new to ICLW. but if you are visiting me, leave a comment. As Mel says, comments are the new hug, and we can all do with a few hugs eh? Each time I read a comment, my days seems a little brighter, and it makes me smile. :-)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A new year...

Things are so confusing for me right now. Am still not working, partly because I don't want to leave Danny at a daycare, but mainly because my health is so fcuking low! Finding a job at this time isn't easy but but my health is what is worrying me. I have always been skinny and underweight so I don't think the exhaustion i feel is because of my weight. I can't eat properly, i am nauseous (NOT PREGNANT!), dizzy, and have NO energy. I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. Hope everything is okay. I get nightmares that I am dying and Danny is crying for me!!! M wants me to start working so he can quit his job and start practicing law (he is a part time law student). I am scared of losing our steady income. I am just not ready to be sole earning member -again! I want to study, I want to do a PHD. What about my dreams? I need to feel better soon. in fact that's my resolution for this year. I WILL GET BETTER...

TTC Diary: Can't believe I am TTC again! CD10 today. Should O soon. My cycles have really been acting weird after giving birth. Earlier I used have 30 day cycles- without fail. Now they fluctuate between 25 days and 35 days! I am beginning to feel that Danny will be our only child and that just makes me so sad. Our adoption plans are more or less out of the window as we have been told that we will be placed with a child in 4 years. We are low priority you see. Why? Because we already have a biological child. I CANNOT wait for 4 years. I will have no energy to be a good parent at that age. (no offence to people parenting at an older age. But I know my body). So if we conceive within the next 4 cycles..hurrah!!! otherwise....