Things are so confusing for me right now. Am still not working, partly because I don't want to leave Danny at a daycare, but mainly because my health is so fcuking low! Finding a job at this time isn't easy but but my health is what is worrying me. I have always been skinny and underweight so I don't think the exhaustion i feel is because of my weight. I can't eat properly, i am nauseous (NOT PREGNANT!), dizzy, and have NO energy. I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow. Hope everything is okay. I get nightmares that I am dying and Danny is crying for me!!! M wants me to start working so he can quit his job and start practicing law (he is a part time law student). I am scared of losing our steady income. I am just not ready to be sole earning member -again! I want to study, I want to do a PHD. What about my dreams? I need to feel better soon. in fact that's my resolution for this year. I WILL GET BETTER...
TTC Diary: Can't believe I am TTC again! CD10 today. Should O soon. My cycles have really been acting weird after giving birth. Earlier I used have 30 day cycles- without fail. Now they fluctuate between 25 days and 35 days! I am beginning to feel that Danny will be our only child and that just makes me so sad. Our adoption plans are more or less out of the window as we have been told that we will be placed with a child in 4 years. We are low priority you see. Why? Because we already have a biological child. I CANNOT wait for 4 years. I will have no energy to be a good parent at that age. (no offence to people parenting at an older age. But I know my body). So if we conceive within the next 4 cycles..hurrah!!! otherwise....
As Good As It Gets?
1 comments:
Chhandy, as a person who has health issues you must make it a priority. If you are feeling this way now, having another baby won't help. Think about the reasons you are wanting a child now and think about what you are saying about your health. Be "selfless" not "selfish". It could be the universe is handling everything for you and what *if* Danny is your only child? Is that so bad? Some couples never even get to experience what it is like to be a parent. Be grateful for what you have! Embrace your health and manage it. Whatever happens will happen.
I have learned to do this for my own issues. Love you!
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