Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I don't really know...

why I do this to myself. AF arrived today. Ending the second month we have been TTC #2. Yeah, we are on the roller coaster, again. But I gave up even before we began. M wants to try for 6 months. I don't know why. I don't know why we have to walk this path again. I am actually counting down the months. Two down, four to go. Who are we kidding? Even when we have no hope, we still allow us to fantasize a little don't we? Like yesterday, I actually googled 'early pregnancy symptoms! Again, who am I kidding? But you l know what? It still hurts. Two cycles would have meant nothing if it hadn't been so hard the first time around. I don't know if am making any sense.


Charlotte said... Best Blogger Tips

Hey Chhandita, it's Margelina...Remember me?? I am a mostly silent reader...but I wanted to tell you that yes you make sense, and no you are not alone in how you feel. Although I have 3...number 2 took almost 2 years to happen. And for #4, we have tried on and off. I have now been off bc since September, and while won't admit to anyone, even myself, that we are trying...we are. Does that make sense? I don't want to say "we are trying" and go through tracking cycles...even though in my head, I am. And when AF came tuesday, I was sad. And I imagine that if I really said out loud that we are trying...then it would be even worse. The only thing that stopped me from buying boxes of tests was being home sick with sick kids. And while I shouldn't, in theory, have any has been almost 6 years since I was last pregnant, and I'm now in my 30's...I have had 3 c-sections and at one time an IUD that can all cause scaring and problems conceiving...and a family history of early menopause. (My mom was 35). So...I understand all your feelings. My email is margelina at and I'm on facebook. xoxo

Chhandita said... Best Blogger Tips

Hey girl!!! its been a long long time eh??? will add u in FB thanks for remembering :)and understanding.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

are you kidding me? it totally makes sense, i know exactly what you are talking about, we have been ttc #2 unassisted for about six months now, like your's, my husband wanted to try naturally for a while, i was like, whatever, but here we are, six months later with an appt this friday with the re.

Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm sorry :( I know it's hard but remember it's just two months--the next one could very well be it!

Danelle said... Best Blogger Tips

I am out of the loop, we need to talk!

Chhandita said... Best Blogger Tips

We sure do Danelle!!!

Stout Ranch said... Best Blogger Tips

it is hard to walk the path and even knowing that it is impossible or nearly so, to not hold a small ray of hope that a miracle will take place one more time. I know. I am walking the same path, with the same ray of hope. Just keep going, one foot in front of the other and know that when it happens, it will be great!