Life in Bullet Points

• Yesterday was my fifth wedding anniversary. I had a talk with M sometime back about our marriage and its future. Yesterday, M took a day off from both college and office. A huge, huge deal for him. He never takes time off, for anybody! That’s the main problem we have in our marriage. Not only that. M also did not take any calls from anybody and when his office folks paged him about some important stuff that needed to be done, he mailed them that he would come early in the morning to finish that work. He went to office today morning 5am! Just so he could spend the whole of yesterday with his family. It’s a start, a good start. I think we can work things out. This was my status on FB yesterday “He may not gift me diamonds, but he shampooed my hair when I was too ill to do so myself. He may not buy flowers for me, but his tears when he saw me in pain after the wisdom tooth extraction was enough gift for me. Happy Anniversary Mallik. Our marriage is a roller coaster ride, thank God for that. I would have lost interest long ago otherwise...”

• . I don’t think I mentioned earlier that Danny started teething late. He got his first tooth after his first birthday. He now has 7 teeth. Now his molar is on its way out. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I was in any case wasn’t getting enough sleep, but now Danny is waking up every TWO hours at night. Any suggestions on how to ease his pain? And mine?

• . During the first two months after Danny’s birth, he refused to sleep – at all! I actually carried him around the whole day. The moment I put him down he would start howling. I went days without bathing ( I had NO help). Food became a luxury. In the third month I discovered the binky and what a lifesaver it was. Danny learned to sleep! Next two months were the best. He slept in his crib and everything was fantastic. But then he learned to roll over and I got scared shit of SIDS so I bought him over to our bed to co-sleep. I tried to get him back to his crib – no use. Danny now owns our bed. BAD BAD for my sleep. This guy’s a mover. He moves 360 degrees and kicks and sits up and talks in his sleep, sigh.

• .Danny is almost potty trained. We still have accidents, but they are few and far between. Danny is diaper free during the daytime. Night time is another story altogether.

• . No more TTC for me. I have given up. Call me a loser if you want to, but I can’t take the stress. I have my miracle baby, and if the Universe wants, we will be able to adopt our second child. I am thinking of getting my tubes tied. What? An infertile getting her tubes tied seems ridiculous . but otherwise a single unprotected incident gives way to hope, and then heartbreak.

• . Yesterday, we got news that a little baby girl has been abandoned in M’s friend’s hospital. It breaks my heart. Things like these are very common here in India where a girl child is unwanted. She is three months old. The hospital administration is trying to get her adopted. We said we are interested. Haven’t heard from them yet. I live in hope.

• . I have started chanting again. Chanting helped me so much earlier, and I am sure it will help me find myself again. I am walking out of the darkness. I don’t like it here.