Friday, October 31, 2008

Why ME?

I guess all of us ask this at some point of our life... and the feeling gets worse when you are TTC. Last two days have been harrowing for me to say the least. I started spotting on the 29th (14DPO), continued spotting through 30th and till today morning. Got my hopes up. STUPID.

I was feeling sick, nausea, couldn't eat anything and terrible cramps. I just felt pregnant. and so I did the stupid thing, yes, i POAS yesterday evening BFN!!! how did i feel? pain, unbearable pain. Maybe it was because it wasn't FMU? why do i keep fooling myself?

Went to the doctor today morning. She asked me to wait for three days as this delay and all this spotting is due to the bloody Progesterone tablets i have been taking....and when the AF arrives with full force, have to visit her again. The doc said " oh, I tell all my patients that its just 40% chance, so don't get your hopes up" shut the fuck up bitch. I know my chances. Have been on this boat for the last 17 months or gimme a break OK? I think AF is coming full on now. What a bitch...what was she doing these two days? MOCKING me???????

My husband was just speaking to his friend this morning. Was asking about what they were naming their new born. It simply tore me apart. DH will make an amazing father...Cant I just give him this one thing? How long?I read about those wonderful women who go through this for years... I don't think I am strong enough to do that.....