Friday, April 15, 2011

Anger, Sadness and Guilt

I am angry. No, angry is a small word for what I am feeling right now. 

Remember the baby we wanted to adopt and who was sent to an orphanage instead? I never knew the reason behind the hospital administration decision. 

Untill today. M friend, the one who had given us all the information about the baby in the first place told me all about it today. Guess what happened? M’ friend told the hospital administration (of which he is also a part) to put send the baby to an orphanage because “the more I thought of it, the more I saw the baby, I realized that you wouldn’t want to adopt such a dark baby” straight from the horse’s mouth. The poor little baby was sent off to an orphanage because she is dark! 

She should have been here with me today. I should have been putting her to bed, holding her close. Instead, she is in some impersonal orphanage. Is he being fed okay? When my niece came to my sister from an orphanage, she was 3 months old and weighed 5 lbs. That’s how good the babies are cared for. I hope and pray the baby is adopted soon. Hope she NEVER meets a bigot like M’s friend. 

I feel so incredible sad. Things could have been so different if that bigot had just asked us for our opinion. For as long as I live, I would never be able to forgive that guy. I wanted to bite his head off. Scream “NO, that’s not how it works.”

I am also filled with guilt. M’s friends parting shot was “don’t worry, soon there will be a girl at the hospital who would be perfect for you”. Is that what I am praying for? For a baby to be abandoned by her family? For her to suffer from a loss so terrible we can never even comprehend it? 

I am devastated. I want my daughter.


Anonymous said... Best Blogger Tips

why can't you adopt the baby from the orphanage??

Aisha said... Best Blogger Tips

The first words my aunts grandmother said whe shemet my long awaited deeply desired sone was : why is he so dark.

Reading this made me cry. Why do we as desis hate ourselves that mucy. That poor dear angel.

C can anything be done to find her.?

C said... Best Blogger Tips

Anon, the baby has been put into the system now. We cannot go and pick a child from an orphanage. And in any case, according to the social worker we are working with, the chances of us being placed with a baby before 3 years is grim (as we already have a bio child, that's the reason we where thinking of doing a private adoption)

Aisha, sad really. I guess its a colonial hangover we suffer from?

St Elsewhere said... Best Blogger Tips

Pathetic, and what petty thinking from M's friend.

Who is he? How is he anyways surviving living in South India anyway? Being surrounded by dark-skinned people must be burning his anyhow.

The adoption laws are pathetic.

And now the law is monkeying out surrogacy laws. Poor laws are no replacement for no laws.

Tracy said... Best Blogger Tips

I am sorry I didn't see this when you first posted it, but sadly, I doubt it's too late to tell you how sorry I am that you are in such pain. I wish there was something I could do to heal this wound. You and your daughter, who will always be your daughter, have my love and prayers.