I have been gone from this place for a long time and this time, the absence was intentional. I needed this time away from blogland to heal. This place had become an obsession. The kind of stress I felt about each post, each comment - was no longer healthy. I would keep track of my followers and would analyze why others had more comments or readers.
There were nights when I couldn't sleep well, obsessing over who commented what, where and why! I saw bloggers, who I had started to think of as my friends, become close to others and form groups. I began to feel left out. It began to feel like a popularity contest. It felt like high school all over again. Only trouble is, I never was a part of the happening crowd in school, or in college. I could care less about what people thought about me, but suddenly it did matter.
It might have been a part of my battle with extreme anxiety and depression. But this blog, this community was no longer my safe haven. I had twisted it into something I lost sleep over. I had started living in this place. I had no life or friends IRL. I needed a break. I needed the break to reclaim my place in this world. I needed this break to discover MY unique voice again.
I hope to keep blogging regularly. But now I hope to stay true to myself. I never cared about being popular. I won't fall into that trap again. I want to live with my words. I want to find joy again with this beautiful language. I hope to find the sense of freedom, the sense of walking the path that was meant for me.