I never ever thought I would be a SAHM! That was just not me. When I got my BFP, I left my job because I was forced. The Doctor wanted me not to travel during the first 12 weeks. It was tough for I was the primary earner of the family at that point of time. But my baby came first. There was no way in hell I was taking any chance with my pregnancy. I worked from on and off, thinking I would stat working when D was 6 months old. The first 6 months, I had no time to even understand what was happening. I felt so rushed and out of sorts. When D turned 6 months old, I started looking out for a job but reality hit hard. I could find no job that did justice to my education and experience.
For some one like me, who loves the outdoors, who simply loves to talk with people, being a SAHM is tough. Don't get me wrong. I do cherish each moment I spend with Danny. But I KNOW that I would have been a better mother if I spent a few hours outside, on my own each day. Last month, I finally got that perfect job offer.
But I am still a SAHM. There is nobody I can leave Danny with while I work. I couldn't find a nanny who was reliable and cost effective. The daycare scene here in India is not really that good. All the good day cares are just too far. My MIL cannot come and look after D as she is staying and looking after my SIL's kids (aged 10 & 5) while my SIL and her husband work in Singapore.
MIL did suggest that I drop D at her place each morning and pick him up in the evenings. But that would have added almost 3 hours of travel time to the normal travel time of 2 hours. Travelling 5 hours each day? Doesn't sound too god does it?
So here I am, working from home. Trying to tell myself how lucky I am that I get to stay at home. But honestly? I wish it was otherwise. I am not very happy with the way I parent at the moment. I hate cooking, I hate doing household chores (other than cleaning). I am just not a domestic person. Some of you may judge me. Does the fact that I want to work make me a bad mom?
10 comments:
I don't think it makes you a bad mother if you want to work. I talk all the time about how I want to be a SAHM so much, but really I could only do it for a year or two, max. I could never do it indefinitely. I think I would love to work part time if that were in some way cost effective. This year I get to see if one kind of part time works well for me. I'm scared because I'll be doing 4/5 of the work in 2/3 of the time but I'm hoping that being home more will make it worth my while.
I hope your new job works out for you. It must be super difficult to get things done with Danny around. Good luck!
Oh good...I'm so glad I'm not the only woman who feels this way. I'm not even a mom (yet), and I know that I would make a terrible SAHM mom. It's just not for me. So I vote NO..it doesn't make you a bad mom at all to want to be out on your own. You're still a woman after all. :D Hoping this all works out in some way for you and you can have a balance of both.
None of this is easy- each choice is complicated isn't it?? You are going to do just fine though.
I nominated you for a bloggy award btw!
No, not a bad mom at all. I was thinking about this question this morning, actually. I'm so happy with my new daycare, but I got to wondering whether it's because they are doing so much of the childrearing for me (getting J on a nap schedule, potty training, teaching him things). And I realized that no, that's exactly what being a parent is about - not providing everything for your child or being there 24/7, but working out whatever you know is the best arrangement. That could be about finding the right daycare, or maintaining your own sanity by working outside the home.
It's so frustrating that you couldn't take that job, though! I hope you're able to figure something out for the future.
no way does it make you a bad mother. there are other parts of you besides being a mother and it's important to honor those as well. it's tough to figure out how to balance all of that though. i do hope you find a situation that works better...maybe it all happens in steps. you finally got a job you like and may be in the future there will be some way to work out the situation to your liking. i think your perseverance is amazing btw, thank you for sharing.
only by being happy and true to yourself can you be the best mother for your child, and a good example to follow -so no, wanting to work does not make you a bad mom!
it's great that you have a job now, and i hope that soon you can also work outside!
Absolutely not!
I am not a very domestic person either.
And I am seriously thinking of how unfortunate the absence of proper daycare is! My SIL gave up working after she had her daughter, and I know she loves being with her but also misses having another identity besides mom and wife.
Your drive to work is a wonderful thing, so you your ability to parent!
As long as you are true to yourself and take care of your family, it works!!
~C
You are definitely not a bad mom! Some people can do it, others can't. I've thought about being in a similar situation and if I had to what are you going to do but I'm a person that likes a schedule. Staying at home even when I'm sick drives me crazy.
So give yourself some credit, you've made a big sacrifice and you're doing fine!
Hi there to India from Germany, here from ICLW!
Wanting to work definitely does NOT make you a bad person! Having a baby does not mean giving up your self, and your own needs and desires.
I hope you'll find a way to make it work in the near future!
Oh, and I'm totally with you on the "not being a domestic person" part. I'm totally the same!
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