I never ever thought I would be a SAHM! That was just not me. When I got my BFP, I left my job because I was forced. The Doctor wanted me not to travel during the first 12 weeks. It was tough for I was the primary earner of the family at that point of time. But my baby came first. There was no way in hell I was taking any chance with my pregnancy. I worked from on and off, thinking I would stat working when D was 6 months old. The first 6 months, I had no time to even understand what was happening. I felt so rushed and out of sorts. When D turned 6 months old, I started looking out for a job but reality hit hard. I could find no job that did justice to my education and experience.
For some one like me, who loves the outdoors, who simply loves to talk with people, being a SAHM is tough. Don't get me wrong. I do cherish each moment I spend with Danny. But I KNOW that I would have been a better mother if I spent a few hours outside, on my own each day. Last month, I finally got that perfect job offer.
But I am still a SAHM. There is nobody I can leave Danny with while I work. I couldn't find a nanny who was reliable and cost effective. The daycare scene here in India is not really that good. All the good day cares are just too far. My MIL cannot come and look after D as she is staying and looking after my SIL's kids (aged 10 & 5) while my SIL and her husband work in Singapore.
MIL did suggest that I drop D at her place each morning and pick him up in the evenings. But that would have added almost 3 hours of travel time to the normal travel time of 2 hours. Travelling 5 hours each day? Doesn't sound too god does it?
So here I am, working from home. Trying to tell myself how lucky I am that I get to stay at home. But honestly? I wish it was otherwise. I am not very happy with the way I parent at the moment. I hate cooking, I hate doing household chores (other than cleaning). I am just not a domestic person. Some of you may judge me. Does the fact that I want to work make me a bad mom?