A couple of well meaning people have recently asked me why I insist on calling myself an infertile. After all, I have a baby and my IF journey was a minor hiccup when compared with the battles women out their fight with this life altering disease.
This post is a reply to them.
First of all, my IF journey was just that - MY journey. It was life altering. It changed me, it changed how I viewed life. It was my journey, it was my heartache, it was my gut wrenching desire for a baby. Don’t claim to understand how I felt.
But there is a bigger reason why I am so open about our struggle to conceive. I openly blog about it. Anyone can Google me and reach my blog and read all about it. I do it so women out there who are struggling with IF silently may reach out. We have NO support system here in India. And I just wish I could reach out to some people and maybe help them a little. Case in point: My friend D had been TTC#1 for 5 years. When I told her about my struggle she opened up. She cried. We talked about it a lot. I had the knowledge which helped her to nudge her RE to move forward to an IUI. D is currently expecting he first baby.
Another acquaintance N was TTC#1 for 7 freaking years. After we talked about it, we realized that HSG was not a part of the tests she had undergone till now, She went ahead and got a HSG done. Guess what? Both her tubes are BLOCKED! I so wanted to go out and sue her RE or something. What if she had known this a little earlier? How many years of heartache might she been saved of? She is currently undergoing IVF.
The questions are starting again "when are you planning on your second baby?" "An only child really gets lonely, you should have another"
Will this ever end? I thought that once I have a baby, people will stay off my case. Not the case. Recently M’s 80 something granny asked me that she so desires me to have a little girl. When I told her that the baby will be here in a little over 3 years (unless we get to do a private adoption before that) she said she won’t be around for so long, that I should get pregnant and have a baby all ready. I am not working after all. I have all the time in the world!
The worst thing is that all these people know that we had trouble conceiving the first time around, still they insist on being the expert.
My MIL recently asked me to get an HSG. Why? Because I got pregnant a month after my HSG the last time around. Wow, just Wow…
I am saving the best for the last. I was discussing our adoption with a very close friend of mine, I was just bitching about the long wait and how tough it is when she came out with this gem “But what I don’t understand is why you need to adopt when you can have your own” own? You mean an adopted child won’t be mine? When I told her that TTC wasn’t easy for me she came out with another gem “Don’t try. Just don’t use BC and RELAX”.
Are you chuckling yet?
PS: I don't want to jinx it but the CIO (or my version of it "fuss it out") method seems to working. We are not yet sleeping through the night, but we are getting there.