Birthday!

Today is my 29th bday..there is so much i want to say, to feel...i dont feel as special as i usually do on my bday, maybe because now i find myself spl everyday....Birthdays are no longer about gifts and wishes...now they are all about rejuvenating myself! I had a few special birthdays, although now they seem far far away....my 13th bday is the one i remember...it was the first birthday party for me, and i was over the moon...what i remember most about that birthday is a gift that Kumarda (now my Brother in law) gifted. 2 books...and the card said "best wishes for your journey through teenage days"....and today I am 29. Last year of the 20s. i will belying if i say tht i dont feel pangs of fear..fear of growing old...but there us am amazing sense of peace within..the peace that comes from the knowledge that I myself am responsible for my life and happiness...My good friend Sangeeta sent me a beautiful poem for my birthday...and sangeeta...I am everything this poem talks about....and i am mighty proud of myself!!

"The Invitation (by Oriah Mountain Dreamer)

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s
longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your
moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your
own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty

every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments."

first mainstream publication

This article was published in Tehelka magazine, one of the leading national magazines in India...feeling a lill proud :)

http://www.tehelka.com/story_main38.asp?filename=hub290308personalhistories.asp

Being a mother

Dealing with akhil (my husbands cuisin brother) is tough to say the least..yes he needs a lot of attention and he loves to talk and ask questions..so after reaching home, i make it a pont to spend time with him, and have my dinner with him..we generally talk till 10.30, till his eyes are all droopy and then i push him off to sleep...now i have to work doubly hard as his exams r around and his tutuion teacher is changing her house in d first week of april, so i will have to ake care of his studies...so yesterday i made him a time table....

He is naughty, and ppl (his mom, my gand mother in law) are always nagging him...i try to make them understand tht wot he needs right now is understanding, he is going thru a tough time....u know one of d best things i have heard till date? first was wen my brother told his teacher tht I had the maximum influence over him and recently wen Akhil askd me "Bhabi, how do u know so much? how can u answer all the questions i ask? " i felt in top of d world.....

Had to struggle a lot to keep him here with us. He lost his father even before he was born. Mallik loves him to bits and i supported his idea of keeping akhil with us. Akhil needed some grounded upbringing. My mother in law is not staying with us and have called me names..why? just because i loved Akhil more then her daugters children. They cudnt even appreciate tht a girl didnt complain once about having to take care of a child immediately after marriage...
another year or 2 and akhil will go back to his home, tough on me...

One of my Favourite songs..

This is one of my fav songs, from the movie "You've Got Mail' starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan..

Get in touch with that sundown fellow
As he tiptoes across the sand
He's got a million kinds of stardust
Pick your fav'rite brand,

andDream, when you're feeling blue
Dream, that's the thing to do
Just watch the smoke rings rise in the air
You'll find your share of memories there

So dream when the day is through
Dream, and they might come true
Things never are as bad as they seem
So dream, dream, dream
Dream when the day is through
Dream, and they might come true

Things never are as bad as they seem
So dream, dream, dream
Dream
So dream, dream, dream