I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves

I still haven’t got my payment. Man I am irritated. Generally my bosses in the US are very prompt with the payment. But this month I have been left in the cold. Everyone else has got their money. I am still dreaming of it. Can t even concentrate on work..isnt that natural? What motivates you, if not money? I have so many things planned. Need to buy gifts for my family who I am visiting after months. But no money yet. Ok. Take a deep breath. Calm down. After all money is not everything right? I don't like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves……

Why do people change?

Yesterday I was talking with (actually chatting) an old, dear friend. We were together in college and shared some really good moments together. Like me, she was not a person who made a dozen friends. We liked our cozy group, mad, whacky, and so in love with life. We had big dreams, and the one thing that really kept us together was our love for life and laughter. We loved to laugh, and to make others laugh. Nobody could understand the secret behind our-non stop laughter. They did not know our soul. We were simple people, bunking college to watch Dil Chahta Hai, taking off in the peak of summer to watch the Taj Mahal, traveling in a general compartment, filled with smelly people. But nothing could dampen our spirits. When all the other girls were busy preparing for their exams, we were munching on samosas and watching the rain. And lo behold, when the results came in, not only did we pass, but did so with flying colors (did some one say guardian angel?). And the passion for filmmaking! That was our passion. When we had to make projects for our collage (studied media), we always ended up in the same team. Our first film. Well it was a 10 minute short project called “Only You”, about patriotism. Now when we watch it, all the jumps, nasty sound recording, and the tacky production splits me up. But at that time, it was our baby. When our lecturer asked what we would like to change about the film, we said in one voice “NOTHING”. Three years of pure bliss, romance, fun, dreams and above all laughter. But time passes doesn’t it?

We passed out of college. And ‘She disappeared’. No phone calls, no emails. She simply vanished from the face of the earth. The remaining members of the group hung on together. We fought our way through heartache, disillusionment, and depression. We tried to hold onto our dreams, but watched helplessly as they slipped through our fingers. But we did not give up on our dreams. So what if we couldn’t make films. It still could be our hobby, the one love, so we planned. Saving money, hiring cameras, making that dream film. That dream is still alive. One day, yes one day, we will do it.

Than she came back into our lives. My life mostly. It was like old times, we laughed. And than we went back to our lives. Today she is in Bangalore, working for a big bank. I am working as a freelance writer. All four of us live in 4 different cities. But I still have that love for life. I still have dreams. I still laugh till my stomach hurts. But she doesn’t. She says she has changed. She says if she becomes the girl she was, her partner wont accept it.

Those are the words I red yesterday. And I cried. I cried for those lost days. I cried for the lost innocence. And I cried because people cant love us for the people we are.

I am still holding on. As I always say, I don’t just want to survive, I want to live. Don’t stop laughing, don’t lose your soul in the mad rush of ambition. Don’t give up on your dreams, no matter how impossible they maybe.

Don’t Just Survive, LIVE!!!!!

before i move on...

Well, I already have another blog, but nobody seems to be reading it...so thought maybe i should get a new blog. To read what I wrote before ( i doubt u want to do that), check out this url -- http://phoenix.instablogs.com/.

till later