As Good As It Gets?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Happiness...
You should be happy. You have everything you ever wanted. Life is complete. But you feel that gnawing hole in your existence. Something is missing. Something so intangible, that you don’t even know what it is, forget about getting it. Maybe that’s how life is supposed to be. Maybe it is just not possible to be completely happy and satisfied. Maybe but I just can’t accept that. There cannot be any other reason for our existence but to be happy. All we do, every action of ours is in pursuance of happiness.So why are we never truly and completely happy? Why is there something missing in life, no matter what we achieve or possess?Personally I believe that the happiness comes in the working for the desired goal, not in achieving it. Couples that are always WORKING at making their marriage successful are happy because they are not content to sit back and say, “Well, I’m now happy, nothing else to do.” Getting our home or yard decorated or landscaped is fun while we are doing it. Not in standing on the sidewalk with our hands on our hips looking at it. We often THINK that when we are done we will then be happy, not so. Anticipating a long vacation, planning, arranging details, making reservations is often more engrossing and rewarding than actually doing the anticipated activities.
Monday, March 8, 2010
A Code to live by…
Inscribed in old Saint Paul’s Church, Baltimore, dated 1691,author unknown.
“Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there maybe in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quitely and clearly; and listen to to others, even the dulla and ignorant; they too have their story.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of HEROISM.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all ardity and disenchantment it is perenial as the grass.
Take kindly the councel of the years, gracefully surrendring things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to guard you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. May fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the starts. You have a right to be here. And whether or not its clear to you, the Universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with GOD, whatever you percieve him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisey confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
“Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there maybe in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quitely and clearly; and listen to to others, even the dulla and ignorant; they too have their story.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of HEROISM.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all ardity and disenchantment it is perenial as the grass.
Take kindly the councel of the years, gracefully surrendring things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to guard you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. May fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the starts. You have a right to be here. And whether or not its clear to you, the Universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with GOD, whatever you percieve him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisey confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The story of my faith.
I knew ‘God’ even before I understood the meaning of the word. The earliest memory I have is that of me sitting in the corner of our dusty garden, crying. The memories are foggy, but I do remember that I cried a lot. Maybe its my way of burying the bad memories. I cried because my parents always seemed to fight, I cried because time and again I was told how ugly I was. I ahd three beautiful elder sisters and even as a five year old I was made aware of the fact that I was an aberation. Every guest who visited us added a new cruel coment that sent me hiding, from the world, from myself.
But even then a small breeze would come floating in, engulf me and tell me how special I was. That breeze would make me feel like a princess. That breeze gave me strength dust my dirty dress, smile and go back to face the world. That breeze sometimes became a sweet song, when I hid in the dark corner of the cupboard. As I grew up, I realized that breeze was God, my God. God never made life easy for me, never took away the obstacles. God gave me courage to fight and grow. I never had to go to place of worship or follow a religion because I found God in my heart, in my soul. It was God who showed me that I didn’t need to be beautifl to be loved, and suddenly the world loved me-because I had learned to love myself.
God helped me look beyond the ugliness of this world. What was it, if not the strength of God that helped me to live a normal life after a so called uncle tried to molest me as a seven year old, and later when my sister’s boy friend tried to do the same?
I was never bitter. Even after my fiance of four years cheated on me, and the relation came to a heartbreaking end. I didn’t suddenly stop believing in men or love. And God gave me my soul mate. No matter what, I never lost my faith…even when my father died of cancer, when all my family was questioning God, I didn’t. The only time I questioned God was when I was TTC. The day I realized that I was losing that special song, that cool breeze, that God no longer spoke tome, I stopped TTC.
What I had was special and TTC almost destroyed that. I still have not heard God in a long time..but I fee his presence, and I know soon he will speak to me again…
But even then a small breeze would come floating in, engulf me and tell me how special I was. That breeze would make me feel like a princess. That breeze gave me strength dust my dirty dress, smile and go back to face the world. That breeze sometimes became a sweet song, when I hid in the dark corner of the cupboard. As I grew up, I realized that breeze was God, my God. God never made life easy for me, never took away the obstacles. God gave me courage to fight and grow. I never had to go to place of worship or follow a religion because I found God in my heart, in my soul. It was God who showed me that I didn’t need to be beautifl to be loved, and suddenly the world loved me-because I had learned to love myself.
God helped me look beyond the ugliness of this world. What was it, if not the strength of God that helped me to live a normal life after a so called uncle tried to molest me as a seven year old, and later when my sister’s boy friend tried to do the same?
I was never bitter. Even after my fiance of four years cheated on me, and the relation came to a heartbreaking end. I didn’t suddenly stop believing in men or love. And God gave me my soul mate. No matter what, I never lost my faith…even when my father died of cancer, when all my family was questioning God, I didn’t. The only time I questioned God was when I was TTC. The day I realized that I was losing that special song, that cool breeze, that God no longer spoke tome, I stopped TTC.
What I had was special and TTC almost destroyed that. I still have not heard God in a long time..but I fee his presence, and I know soon he will speak to me again…
Saturday, February 6, 2010
One year ago..
I had written this post. today i am sitting here wth Danny by my side kicking happily. A year! 
where has the time flown...2010 looks beautiful...nothing negative...things will be beautiful for me, for you and for the whole world. Here is last years story in pics...
December 2008, visit to Suryalanka.
August 2009 -8 months pregnant
September 2009, Danny 5 minutes after his birth.
where has the time flown...2010 looks beautiful...nothing negative...things will be beautiful for me, for you and for the whole world. Here is last years story in pics...December 2008, visit to Suryalanka.
August 2009 -8 months pregnant
September 2009, Danny 5 minutes after his birth.
November 2009 - playing mommy
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
MIA
Things havent been great. I just quit my job. My health is shitty. I have always been petitie and gained only 19 pounds during my pregnancy. I lost 4 pounds in the 9th months and lost all my pregnancy weight on Danny's birth. Since then I have lost 6.6 pounds fr0m my pre-oregnancy weight which was 105 pounds. TMI maybe. But I feel damn weak and losing weight cocsistently. Am breastfeeding, so we thought thats the reason. Whatever the reason, I got no energy what so ever. Yet....I LOVE being a mom :) Its all worth it...
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