Monday, April 8, 2013

Family of Three

That's us right now. We spent the whole of  2012 TTC#2. After cancelling our adoption plans, we were stupid enough to think it will happen. And it kind of did. December, my periods were late by a couple of days. I was feeling exhausted, had no appetite - all symptoms from my last two BFPs. I bought an HPT, and sure enough, there was the hint of a second line. I call it my ghost line. I called M. He was so happy. Took off from office to reach home early (now, that's super rare, so it was a nice treat for us). But the very next day, I started cramping, and withing a couple of hours I was bleeding. Funnily enough, apart from a brief spell while kitchen, no tears were shed. It was a chemical.

By December end, we had all the tests done (all but HSG. I refuse to put myself through that mind numbing pain again.) We remain unexplained. In January, I started on my first Clomid cycle. and right now, my third Clomid has just ended, needless to say, all in BFNs. I am okay. It is M I am hurting for. I am pretty content being a family of three. My hands are full, so is my heart. Danny is enough for me. But M? He so desires another child. A daughter. Aaryana. She will have curly hair. She will be papa's pet. We are not moving forward on the adoption front because M and I differ on our views on how to deal with the subject of adoption. M believes that our child through adoption will not know his adoption story. But I cannot pretend she is our biological child. I have done too much research to agree to M's idea of adoption. If we adopt, I want our child to know she was adopted from the very beginning.

So here we are. There is a slim chance of an IUI in the future. But we don't have a lot of time. I turned 34 march 26th. I give ourselves another at the max. I give M another year to make peace with the idea of being a family of three. But me? I am at peace. I am okay.

12 comments:

St Elsewhere said... Best Blogger Tips

So sorry about the chemical...the possibly that faded too fast.

You are so correct about the adoption thing. I think both the parents should be on the same page about whatever they choose, and adoption is no easy thing.

Take care.

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Catwoman73 said... Best Blogger Tips

Here from ICLW- nice to meet you! We are a family of three also, and have recently given up the battle for baby #2. It's really tough when one partner really wants to have a second child, and the other isn't so sure. We were similar, though I'm the one that wanted to do whatever it took. It took a lot of open communication and honesty to get through it. Whatever ends up happening- best wishes to you... this is a tough journey.

Rebecca said... Best Blogger Tips

Hi from ICLW. We are still mulling over adoption. My parents adopted.

Egg Timer said... Best Blogger Tips

Hello from ICLW, sorry to hear about your loss. I hope that you and your husband can come to common ground about your family no matter what path it takes. We all struggle with these things adn I am glad that you have your son to give you some comfort.

mylovelosslife said... Best Blogger Tips

Hi from ICLW...I am so sorry about the chemical

Emma said... Best Blogger Tips

I'm so sorry to hear about the chemical pregnancy. It is hard when two people have different views. I hope your husband is able to find peace soon.

ICLW #61

Risa said... Best Blogger Tips

Visiting from ICLW. So sorry to hear about your chemical. That's tough that you and your husband disagree on this. I think it would be unfair to your child to say he/she wasn't adopted. Whatever the two of you decide, I hope you find some peace in your decision.

Tracie Nall said... Best Blogger Tips

It is so hard when you aren't on the same page about something like that with your partner. I am glad you have peace, and hope he will come to have it, too, if needed. Not that it matters in any way, but, I agree with you on the adoption question.

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